The Problem with Society #437

I saw this posted as a bulletin on my Myspace page. And while I generally try to ignore these stupid things…I couldn’t help but look. It may have lowered my respect level a bit…but its 6:40a.m….and I have nothing else better to do.

I discovered another problem with society. I doubt I’ll need to explain it once you see the post….so here it is…with my comments following.

17 signs you love someone.
(yeah, you already know this is gonna be goooood)

SEVENTEEN:You look at their profile constantly.
…sounds more like a stalker to me. I could elaborate..but I thought I would stop there.

SIXTEEN:When you're on the phone with them late at night and they hang up, you still miss them even when it was just two minutes ago. I

nfatuation anyone? While I can agree that missing someone on the phone can happen….it also usually happens to 14 year olds who aren’t allowed to drive, or are not talented enough to sneak out of the house.

FIFTEEN:You read their Texts and IMs Over and over again.

This isn’t love. This is lack of a life. Get a grip for crying out loud!

FOURTEEN:You walk really slow when you're with them.

How is this love? Maybe they have an impairment that causes them to walk slow? Did you ever think of that? Did that ever cross your mind?

Great. Now your discriminating against people with walking disorders.

Fantastic.

This is why our suicide rate has increased to involve 13 and 14 year olds.

" Yeah, I'm thinking of killing myself....when I walk around and stuff she doesn't walk slow with me...I don't know...maybe I don't have enough cologne on?" (reference to that further down)

THIRTEEN:You feel shy whenever they're around.

What if you feel shy around EVERYONE? Are you just one big Carebear then? Are you a hippie? Or does this mean jack when it comes to love?
I’ll take door number 3, Bob! Honestly, who writes this stuff?

ELEVEN:When you think about them, your heart beats faster but slower at the same time.
What does that mean? I can’t even make fun of it. It makes no sense. At least give me something to work with!

TEN:You smile when you hear their voice.

I smile when I hear people’s voices that I DON’T like. Why? Because I’m thinking villainous thoughts that involve them, a chicken and a large canyon full of cheese…….

NINE:When you look at them, you can't see the other people around you, you just see him/her.

Sounds like she’s fat to me. *shrug*

EIGHT:You start listening to slow songs while thinking about them.

hehehehehe..this made me giggle. That’s just gay.

SEVEN:They're all you think about.

This only means that your world is very, very small. The advice I would give you is to get a life, maybe a nice hobby? Like airplane crafting or stamp collecting. I hear that rollerskating is making a big comeback...

SIX:You get high just from their scent.

Maybe if they smoke pot all day. If your getting high off of a scent that means one of two things.

1. you are dating a 14 year old boy
2. you are dating Puff Daddy.

FIVE:You realize you're always smiling when you're looking at them.

So now you love an ugly person.
Great.First the handicap people, now ugly people.
When will you stop?

FOUR:You would do anything for them, just to see them.
This is called…whipped. And guys, don’t think you’re the only ones that deal with “whippedness”. Oh no. The only difference is that females are pretty much whipped the moment you speak….which only goes to prove that we are, in fact, a ridiculous species. (the feminists are going to love that one)

THREE:While reading this, there was one person on your mind this whole time.

You’re right. How did you know?
Al Gore….leave Tipper and go away with me. Together we can discuss your invention of the internet! Maybe, we’ll even throw a party with Dan Quayle and Dick Cheney!....wow. Think about it! Spelling bees! And whoever loses gets to go hunting with Dick.I don’t know about you, but I’m excited already.
Ps. You would have made a crappy president. Better than Bush is not a huge compliment. You still would have been crappy. Don’t let it go to your head. Your good on TV…that’s about it.

TWO:You were so busy thinking about that person, you didn’t notice number twelve was missing.
That or its your clever way of letting people know you can’t count worth a crap.

ONE:You just scrolled up to check & are now silently laughing at yourself.

Not. I'm laughing at you. For actually taking precious time from your life to post this crap. Your life must really suck. I bet no one loves you.
How sad that must be to know that there is no one to walk slow with you when you break your foot, or smile at you for no reason. No one to develop lung cancer from breathing in your horrid cologne or to make you feel better about your counting disorder. Its a cruel world.

NOW MAKE A WISH. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.......
Yeah, I wish you would all stop posting this crap.

Your clogging my personal space.

(I've decided to list some ACTUAL ways to know you love someone....coming soon.)