Thanks for making me a Fighter. (Even if you didn’t do anything else good for me)

A lot of people can sit down and say that the way they are now is because of someone else. Seems almost cliché in a way. You almost expect someone to answer a question of “why are you the way you are’ with the response, “because of so-and-so”. But getting down to the real reason you are the way you are, the real situations behind it are rarely ever discussed. I’m under the personal opinion that most people don’t even know anymore. That they just assume they’ve blossomed because of someone else because everyone else says so. But at what point does that phrase really become a cliché? At what point does that become an excuse?
Its been said that women after breaking up with someone will later feel like they’ve grown, and that the speculation is that they feel the need to have a reason for ending the relationship or a reason for why the relationship ended. I’m sure that a lot of this is true, and I’m also sure that that’s why the ever increasing statement of “But I’ve learned so much” is ringing even more loudly in our ears. But if you’re not learning everyday, then what’s the point? My point? It’s just not that simple. If you can’t really sit down and figure out a real tangible example of WHY that relationship changed you, then you are not changed by the relationship. You are changed because of the need to change. Because if you are a different person, why would you need them anyways? This my friends, is a true female thinking process. And that is what has prompted my post today.
I feel personally that I am most definitely different from the way I was even a year ago, not only from life itself and the general gradual changes that every normal person makes, but also from my relationships. You see, I was a person that didn’t give you the time of day if I didn’t find you fascinating. Casual dating wasn’t in the cards for me, it didn’t’ suit me. And I didn’t have time for it. If I was really enamored by your presence? You would probably get a date. But wait, let that not fool you into thinking I dated a lot. Quite on the contrary. And here’s why, it takes A LOT to make me enamored. It’s not easy. I’m picky. But because of my standards, ending my past relationships were harder than say, the average “so long see ya” relationships. Because I had ALREADY invested so much…..even if only in my head. These relationships truly changed me from the meek, quiet, little girl into the total pain in the @$$ that I am now. And while it may seem odd to others that I think of my past relationships occasionally, it’s only because I treasure the “me” that they brought out. Because I would never have become “me” without them. As sucky as they might be, lame as they were, bad decisions they might have been…it doesn’t matter. Because after the heartache, the trials, the suicidal thoughts and tire slashings. (Just kidding btw)….I realized how much they gave me…even if it did cause a few bitter moments. I embrace the tragedy of dating, because I’ve gained so much more in return.
So I portray to you, my thoughts, on my past love lessons learned.

My first real dating experience was with someone I spent 4 years of my life with. It was my first experience with real love. Not teenager mushy gushy love. I thought, like most 19 year olds, that we would be together forever. Alas, considering I’m engaged to marry the most fabulous man I’ve ever met, it didn’t work out. The main problem with this relationship was that he was all wrong for me. Completely and totally in every way wrong. And I was miserable. But I didn’t realize that the problem was me, I didn’t realize that I was angry and sad because there was no past experience to show me what that felt like. So doomed I was to stay in a bad relationship for far too long….until it bit me in the butt. Looking back now, I would and should have ended it if not in the first year, by the 3rd. I knew by then it wasn’t working, but its called denial. And at 20 years old…..denial is just part of the game. The biggest lesson I learned from this relationship was to recognize when something isn’t right. To recognize when your feelings are screaming out to you, “STOP STOP”. It was what I needed to be able to go on and date other people without fear of getting stuck in something that wouldn’t allow my emotions to smack me upside the head. I also became much more self aware. This is something that I’ve actually gotten compliments on. And I have to give credit where credit is due. It came from this. Our breakup consisted of several things, but one that sticks out in my mind. I was promptly told pretty much everything that was wrong with me. It took awhile for that to quit stinging so much…but later it showed me how to evaluate myself. Something I’ve noticed not many people do. Having your faults thrown in your face can be catastrophic to some. But handled correctly and its priceless information.

My next relationship started out of odd luck. Had my previous employers not set that ball rolling, it probably wouldn’t have happened. At first it was great, I had just ended the previous relationship a few months before and was still a little sad. This person made me laugh harder than anyone on the planet. I still to this day think he should be a comedian. It’s what I needed at the time, even though I knew it wouldn’t last very long. My problem here was that I was bound and determined to make an impact on this guy. I was going to do it no matter what. Didn’t happen. And I hung on in desperate hopes that I could show this guy how to grow up. Didn’t happen. It wasn’t that I hung on out of hopes of staying together. Like I said, I knew from the beginning it wouldn’t last long. It only lasted about 5 months. But I was so determined to help him in the way that I felt someone had helped me. But it didn’t work. And I ended up wasting my emotional energy and time on someone that didn’t care that I was. Lesson? You don’t owe anyone, anything. I didn’t have to be that compassionate. I didn’t need to be. Why did I waste my time on a bad thing? Pride? Silly. I should have cut and run when it was time. And so my valuable lesson was learning to leave when things got rocky. And also getting a good dose of “you can’t change them”.

A few months and thousands of online dating emails later, I met someone that I just KNEW was it. Sadly I’m beginning to think that that is the first thing to doom a relationship….although those of you that are pro-I just knew it! Will hate that I said that. Of all my relationships, this one taught me the most important lesson of all. You can’t compromise who you are for another person. Don’t think you’ll be ok changing yourself because you won’t. And if there’s ever a time to be proud of who you are and what you believe in, then now is the time.
We were total opposites trying to accommodate each other. Both pretending to be more like the other one in a vain attempt to ignore the obvious. It wouldn’t work. And even if he hadn’t gone crazy (long story) it wouldn’t have worked. The false personalities would have faded and all hell would have broken loose. I was made to feel bad for being me. And while I hate people that pretend they have no choice in who they are, I’m talking about your core essence. Not an attitude problem or a choice you could have made differently. But the true inner soul of who you are. A person that can make you feel bad for that is not someone you need to be around. It’s a sad person that hasn’t yet figured out what I figured out by the time I was 22, (he was 28) And while it took its toll, and caused me serious insecurities for awhile, it faded as all things do, and the need to truly remain myself took over. I’m more proud of me now than I ever have been before.

So I say to those of you with lost confidence from relationships, sit down and think about the situation. Don’t come up with cookie cutter society examples of growth. Look deep into your personality and come up with a GOOD reason to feel glad he’s gone. You shouldn’t loose confidence, you should gain it. Because with each passing relationship that goes awry, there is a story that tells you more about yourself. It’s a metaphorical mirror, and while like I said before, faults handed to you aren’t easy, but rarely in life are you handed such a gift.

I embrace my past because without it I wouldn’t have the future that I’m about to have. One with the most extraordinary person that I know, which continues to love me for me and also continues to hand me my faults. Not in vicious ways, but in ways of understanding that in order to change and better yourself, you have to be given a reason to.

Something Profound....Emailed to me

My Fellow Americans:
As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed. Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete. This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there. The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening. Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war. The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.
Need help with a famine?
Wrestling with an epidemic?
Call France.
In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.
Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize?
Try France, or maybe China.
I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch you're precious Benzes, Bimmers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil. Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA Treaty - starting now. We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there.
They care.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America.
To the nations on List 1, A final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we won't forget.
To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.
God bless America.
Thank you and good night.

***Please note**** I didn't write this. It was sent to me. I just LOVED it. So this is my way of forwarding it on, without having to annoy everyone on my email list. Ciao!

Warning: Female In Mirror Less High Maintenance Than She Appears

What is it about getting married that brings out the Bridezilla talk? And I'm not talking about me, I'm talking about everyone else.

Not more than a couple days after I announced I was getting married people started throwing out the, "Hey! Don't be a bridezilla!" speel.
While I knew this was going to happen….I didn't expect it from almost everyone. And I'll tell you what's frustrating. The pure fact that because you are instantly labeled as a potential "Bridezilla"…ANYTHING you say or do WILL be held against you in a court of law.

I'm serious.

And its bogus.

For example. I've been throwing myself pretty heavily into three things.
1. Location
2. photographer
3. videographer
Those three things are what matters the most TO ME, everything else will work itself out..and I don't really care. But those THREE THINGS, I'm ANAL about. Its not bridezilla…its just that those things are most important to me.
That being said. I have 2 ½ of them finished. ½ you say? What ½? Well I have the wedding location….but not the reception location. Because of this my focus has been pretty heavily set on calling ANYWHERE that has a possible facility I could use….so far?

Everyone is booked.

Except for a couple of places…
now out of this couple there is one that I can't get ANY info on. I've called, left three messages…talked to several different people who continually send me to the same voicemail of the same moron that apparently never learned how to use A) his voicemail or B) the phone. I've never received a call. Not one.
And because of this I'm getting quite frustrated. I expect people who are HEAD of sales, in major companies (iow hotels) to have the decency to at least return a phone call….within at least 2 days. I guess this guy wasn't raised by the same code of manners that I was.

And what happens?

People are saying…don't be a bridezilla.
Excuse me?

When your food at a restaurant is late or cold or BAD or has a bug in it….do I look at you and say, " Now, don't be a foodzilla!"?

When you buy a sweater and they don't take off those security tags and you have to go back to the store AGAIN …..do I say…"Now..don't be a shoppingzilla!".??

When the credit card company or the bank messes up a statement or charges you more than you expected to pay…do I say, "Now, don't be a moneyzilla!"????

NO.
Why?

Because you are simply responding to POOR SERVICE. It has nothing to do with the fact that you are being out of line….and simply because the people that are being PAID to do a certain job, aren't doing it, and you're upset.
And when did it become wrong to be upset with something like that? People in this country get upset when a red light takes too long….so if I want a simple phone call returned….I don't think its asking too much.

Its not Bridezilla.
Its freakin customer service.

I haven't even yelled at them on the phone, or cried, or burned down any buildings or set defenseless animals on fire.

I SEE NO BRIDEZILLA ACTIVITY HERE.

Repeat after me: When planning a function or paying large amounts of money…shoot. Even small amounts of money, it is OKAY to try to get what you want. It is OKAY to demand a certain amount of respect and decency. It is OKAY to be upset when something that was promised wasn't receieved. When you pay for something, you dang well better get what it was you paid for. Otherwise, what's the big frickin deal about free enterprise??

I suppose this post will only feed the bridezilla monkeys more.