When Lady Luck danced with Mr. Destiny

What is it that ultimately causes us to find that one fantastic person in our lives? Is it destiny or fate? Is it a matter of losing 100% of the chances you don’t take? Or is it simply pure dumb luck?
Look around you, I’m sure there are several people you know that married or ended up with someone that you, to this day, roll your eyes about. Maybe they’re rude, maybe they’re stupid or maybe you just don’t understand why your friend though he or she was compatible with THAT person. Based on those people, I’d say fate had nothing to do with it. That is, unless, that person really really ticked off fate. But then look around at the people who met at a restaurant by accident and then discovered they’d been neighbors for five years. Tends to give you goosebumps and make you think, *ding* destiny. Why is it that the really happy people seem destiny induced, and the others make you vow to never enter again into any type of relationship? Maybe we’re just looking at it from the wrong pair of rose colored glasses? Maybe there aren’t lucky and unlucky people in this world. Maybe there are just people who settle and people who refuse to. And those people who refuse to settle, who keep on trucking, who know that just around the corner will be that person that they’ve always wanted, maybe they’re just naturally going to end up happier than the rest of us. We seem afraid to take risks, including risks in relationships.
I’m guilty of settling and not settling. And I’m lucky that I was given another chance to see that I was, in fact, settling.
I was in an extremely happy relationship. Amazing to me, cause it was the first relationship where I could actually say that. But it was true, the first several months of our relationship were better than anything I had had up to that point. And aside from a *few* things that were missing, I was ecstatic. Finally someone mature and going somewhere in life. Someone that wasn’t joined at the hip to his mother and still living at home. (of course later I realized that these thoughts and reliefs were nothing more than a result of a relationship prior to that one.) Suddenly, out of the blue, nothing was right. And why the relationship ended isn’t nearly as important as how I was thinking during that time.
After being dragged out to the real world by a couple of my friends, I got to talking to one of them about the situation and what I should do. And he proceeded to ask me several questions, basically along the lines of “name something wrong with him”. And I just stared at him like he was a green alien from outer space. “What does that have to do with any of this?” I had asked. I was certain that all he was trying to do was make me dislike him so maybe I wouldn’t care so much. Which at this point in time was not my priority, I was still trying to stop my head from spinning so I could figure out what went wrong. But after he kept pushing and pushing, I finally said, “nothing! That’s the problem! There wasn’t anything wrong with him!” And naturally he looked at me like I had the plague, *because that’s what good friends do when their friend is being an idiot.* So sitting there, annoyed and agrivated, my friend made me tell him at least 10 things that I didn’t like about my soon-to-be ex. I swear as hard as I tried I couldn’t get past four. I was about to just start making things up so he’d be quiet when he said that I was obviously over-compensating for something.
He proceeded to tell me that obviously in my past relationships I had very high standards,*true* but maybe those relationships ended because of those standards, or maybe indirectly,*true again* but you get the point. And that by now I was so tired of feeling picky *wow, this guy was good* that I’d reversed and suddenly ended up accepting to much. I felt guilty because I was picky so I decided that I should be more openminded,*maybe he’s psychic?* and more accepting, and therefore I could no longer see the things that I didn’t like.
I sat there pretty much in silence for awhile while I tossed this around in my head. It was like an epiphany. I’d never thought of it that way, it was amazing. And it was the first time throughout this whole chaotic mess that someone had told me something useful. I completely agreed with him and realized that I had to get my standards back. It didn’t’ magically go away though. I still for a month or so, couldn’t think of anything that bugged me about him (other than the fact I was dumped of course).
So I decided that that was it. I was done dating for awhile. I had made up my mind. I was through dating one after another because if this was going to be the result then I wasn’t getting anywhere.
After I gave myself some time to come back to being me, I realized a lot of things about him that didn’t match me. (he was actually my total opposite) He didn’t stay up late, he was a neat freak, he got stressed if a red light was on too long, and was not the best at containing road rage, and the communication that I thought was so good was just a façade. I could go on and on now, because I got enough distance to see what it was that –if I had stayed with him- would have driven me CRAZY later. I was too willing to accept it because of those few things that were different from my prior relationship. So I figured if I gave myself enough time away from that relationship I could possibly prevent it from happening again………..
Well. Yeah. So I sorta botched that. I made it about 2 months. But not on purpose! *heh heh* I never planned it….which simply continues to prove the “Happens when your not looking” Theory. However, I was looking…well not like that though. I was looking through myspace pages to see if there was anyone around in Wichita that I knew. And occasionally if a person seemed interesting or caught my eye, I would click on their page even if I didn’t know them. And this is how I found my fabulous flame. By a pure freakish accident. No other information about him other than a photo and I just happened to click on it. . . lets ponder this for a second….thats freaky. I mean really, that’s freaky. Its not freaky that a person clicks on someone attractive and they end up dating. It IS freaky however when that person is practically your clone. When you don’t have to lower your standards because they’re being met? Now is that destiny? Or pure dumb luck? Maybe destiny and luck have lunch together every now and then and decide to pick a random soul to mess with, maybe Destiny and Luck are really one and the same, or maybe I finally just decided to quit settling.
I don’t know why, but I got to feeling like I deserved it. I was to the point of basically giving Lady Lucky and Mr. Destiny the virtual finger. I was tired of them screwing with me and it was about time I found someone not insane that I had a lot in common with. And I realized that it wasn’t so much that I didn’t want to date, as it was more that I was willing to date….if it was the right person. The distance that I kept from some other guys that were attempting to date me at the time, kept me from settling. It looks like Lady Luck and Mr. Destiny decided to sit this one out….. and let me take care of my own life.