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In my humble…okay, not so humble, opinion there are three types of people in the world.
1. the kind that barf in the bathroom and then tell no one because they are scared to admit it was them.
2. the kind that barf in the bathroom and then tell someone, but act like they just discovered it.
3. the one that barfs in the bathroom and then tells someone and apologizes.
I am option #4. Yes, you are correct, there wasn’t an option #4. If we were giving out cookies for observation, you’d get a big frosted one. ( that was sarcasm by the way, and notice how I spelled out “by the way” instead of “btw”?? I digress….) I, as I was saying, am option #4. First I’d like to point out that I’ve never actually barfed in any bathroom in public, but for those of you that catch on quicker than most people you have already figured out that my lame attempt at an analogy had nothing to do with barfing anyways. It has mainly to do with responsibility and somewhat to do with what you view as “important”. Let me explain: Those of you that are option #1, you really had no need to take responsibility for what happened. At least people like option #2 told someone about the barf, YOU didn’t. You just left the crime scene like a hit and run……a “barf” and run so to speak. ( I know. I’m hilarious.) That or you were just too wimpy to even deal with the situation. And I have a hard time figuring out how you’ll ever handle anything if you can’t even handle a little vomit in the porcelain. Option #2 people aren’t really all that bad, at least they take some responsilbility for what happened, however they’re just a little bit too worried about what people think of them. Option #3 people are like Chiefs fans, they love everything they do, and aren’t ashamed to be proud of everything they do….even if they lose…oops! I mean…even if they do something not worthy of much “praise”. Option #3 people are good enough because they are fans of themselves and they don’t really care about what John Doe thinks of their vomit, HOWEVER, option #3 people probably would love to compare their vomit to John Doe’s (to see who’s is better) should the need, challenge or boredom ever arise. *snicker*
So as I stated before, I am option #4.
Which one are you?
I’d like to think that I’m a reasonable human being. And a reasonable female in a society hell-bent on having nothing but feminism running rampant. However, being my moral and ethical self, I have a line that I draw when it comes to “screwing with me”.
I can handle the dirty joke, if its not so extreme that it would offend even Ted Bundy. TV shows and movies don’t usually bother me, and it takes a lot to really offend me in general. But people who do stupid things because they either lack the intelligence to think of something else or because they lack the ability to do anything else, really really annoy me. Case in point: Yesterday, while answering the phone *at work* I get a long distance phone call and when I answered it at first there was no one there so I hung up. The second time they called back ( 30 seconds later) I answered, ran through the whole “hello? HELLO??” thing, and was about to speak when I heard someone speak. Again, I said “Hello?” thinking maybe it was a bad connection. And that’s when I decided that answering the phone was overrated. The guy on the other end of the phone began talking in a dirty, phone sex, sorta way…lets just say I’d love to tell you what he said but it wouldn’t be appropriate for ANYONE of ANY age to read. I hung up. What fixed the problem was that the THIRD time he called back, I had the security guard answer it.
*click*
No more of that guy.
I don’t know what it is that causes some people to be so crass or rude or so unbelievably stupid and immature. Maybe that paint chips thing has more merit than I thought. *hmm*
Next time, a word of advice. Don’t just eat the chips, drink the whoooole gallon.
It saves some resources for the rest of us that aren’t pathetic.
~peace out~
I wish I was talking about how bad brown looks with black, or how leggings should be banned permanently, but alas, I’m not. I’m talking about the fact that men do not, and will not ever “get it”.
I have mainly guy friends, so guys please don’t take this personally, but you just don’t’ get it. Many of you realize this and are more than willing to say out loud, “I don’t get it”. But for the rest of you…..please take note.
1. Its not that we are so encompassed by flowers that the only way we have a fulfilled life is by sniffing one every week. Its not that we love chocolate so much that if you don’t buy it we’ll go into a deep depression and not eat for a week. And honestly, we could probably care less about how many stuffed animals you get us, because it’s not about the stuff. It’s about the thought. I’m going to give you a moment to process this, because it’s probably blowing your mind right now. It doesn’t matter if you buy me a dozen flowers or one, it’s the fact that during your day, you stopped and wondered what I would want. The mere fact that I crossed your mind is what pleases us so. Not the fact that you noticed that daisy’s were in season. And those of you that are sitting there with smug looks on your faces going, “yeah right, like she doesn’t want a dozen roses.” Ooookay, here’s the deal. Lets use some common sense, of course a dozen roses are really cool, But that doesn’t mean that just because you get one or two, she’s going to dump you and run off with Raoul the Gardner….unless he’s rich - and then sorry - your out of luck…..
*kidding*
2. Of course we don’t want to be dumped. You wouldn’t either (especially if it was for Raoul the Gardner) but we also don’t want to be stranded, embarrassed, written to, stood up or mocked. What I’m talking about is of course, the break-up. (Sorry Raoul)
Look guys, its going to be hard any way you do it. There isn’t some magical way to not make it suck, I wish there was, but there isn’t. But if being a big jerk is your way of trying to deny the fact that you’re feeling a bit guilty for hurting someone, then you need to grow up, and quick. It may be true that you don’t want to be with that person anymore, but you can still feel bad about it. But what’s happening is that your becoming defensive with yourself, and instead of handling it in a way that will at least get you some self respect as well as respect from the other person, your acting like a total ass. (Pardon my French but some words just don’t cut it) Leaving sticky notes, disappearing into thin air, standing someone up, hurting someone to make them break up with you, and embarrassing someone to the point of break-up are just many of the kinds of relationship ending tactics that I’ve either heard about, seen or experienced. Its not rocket science. And you’re not the only one feeling bad. So stop being selfish, suck it up, and just do the right thing.
3. The toilet seat. Lets just all admit that it’s a retarded issue. But let me take a moment to explain why girls want the seat DOWN. Ok first of all, if I’m only talking about me, I want the seat down because my cats will sit in it if I don’t, and then they will get all of my clothes wet. That being said, lets talk about the majority of other people who don’t have cats that act like idiots. Women for the most part want the seat down because they are creatures of “tidying up”. The toilet seat people make the seat have a lid and therefore in women’s minds the lid is supposed to be down. (Because why would you make a lid if you never use it? Right?) Also, if you leave it up it looks kinda gross, c’mon guys you know what gets on that seat. I also like to sit on mine (with the lid down of course) to do my makeup, like a chair. Now here’s the thing, guys complain that they have to lift the seat. Well so do I, well sorta, I have to lift the lid. So you see? We both have to lift something, and in the end, the bathroom looks better. So quit your whining, after all, your “big macho men” right? What’s a little toilet seat going to hurt you?
*wink*
4. *drumroll* An HONEST explanation of why we take so long. Ready guys? Here it is. The REAL reason. Its not that we want to look good for you, although we do, but the real reason is that we have to look so amazing that no other girl will compare. So that not only are you blow away by our Cindy Crawford-esque fabulousness. But that so will every other…ready for it?....girl. Yep that’s right. I bet you thought I was going to say guy. Nope, its girl. Not a typo. We not only want to look better than every other girl in the room, we HAVE too. Dumb? Oh absolutely. We agree. That, however, doesn’t change a thing. You see, girls have the jealous, stab each other in the back, say you look fine when you look hideous - tendency that just never really goes away. And when you know every girl is spending three hours in the bathroom, you obviously have to spend at LEAST that long. So you see, it adds up. What you want to find is someone not threatened by other women that wants to look fabulous in a reasonable amount of time. The amount of time Noah took to land the ark is not an acceptable answer. Ladies, lets try to come to a truce here. At least limit it to an hour?
Got any other ideas for things that drive the opposite sexes crazy? Let me know! Leave me a comment!
