I wish I was talking about how bad brown looks with black, or how leggings should be banned permanently, but alas, I’m not. I’m talking about the fact that men do not, and will not ever “get it”.
I have mainly guy friends, so guys please don’t take this personally, but you just don’t’ get it. Many of you realize this and are more than willing to say out loud, “I don’t get it”. But for the rest of you…..please take note.
1. Its not that we are so encompassed by flowers that the only way we have a fulfilled life is by sniffing one every week. Its not that we love chocolate so much that if you don’t buy it we’ll go into a deep depression and not eat for a week. And honestly, we could probably care less about how many stuffed animals you get us, because it’s not about the stuff. It’s about the thought. I’m going to give you a moment to process this, because it’s probably blowing your mind right now. It doesn’t matter if you buy me a dozen flowers or one, it’s the fact that during your day, you stopped and wondered what I would want. The mere fact that I crossed your mind is what pleases us so. Not the fact that you noticed that daisy’s were in season. And those of you that are sitting there with smug looks on your faces going, “yeah right, like she doesn’t want a dozen roses.” Ooookay, here’s the deal. Lets use some common sense, of course a dozen roses are really cool, But that doesn’t mean that just because you get one or two, she’s going to dump you and run off with Raoul the Gardner….unless he’s rich - and then sorry - your out of luck…..
*kidding*
2. Of course we don’t want to be dumped. You wouldn’t either (especially if it was for Raoul the Gardner) but we also don’t want to be stranded, embarrassed, written to, stood up or mocked. What I’m talking about is of course, the break-up. (Sorry Raoul)
Look guys, its going to be hard any way you do it. There isn’t some magical way to not make it suck, I wish there was, but there isn’t. But if being a big jerk is your way of trying to deny the fact that you’re feeling a bit guilty for hurting someone, then you need to grow up, and quick. It may be true that you don’t want to be with that person anymore, but you can still feel bad about it. But what’s happening is that your becoming defensive with yourself, and instead of handling it in a way that will at least get you some self respect as well as respect from the other person, your acting like a total ass. (Pardon my French but some words just don’t cut it) Leaving sticky notes, disappearing into thin air, standing someone up, hurting someone to make them break up with you, and embarrassing someone to the point of break-up are just many of the kinds of relationship ending tactics that I’ve either heard about, seen or experienced. Its not rocket science. And you’re not the only one feeling bad. So stop being selfish, suck it up, and just do the right thing.
3. The toilet seat. Lets just all admit that it’s a retarded issue. But let me take a moment to explain why girls want the seat DOWN. Ok first of all, if I’m only talking about me, I want the seat down because my cats will sit in it if I don’t, and then they will get all of my clothes wet. That being said, lets talk about the majority of other people who don’t have cats that act like idiots. Women for the most part want the seat down because they are creatures of “tidying up”. The toilet seat people make the seat have a lid and therefore in women’s minds the lid is supposed to be down. (Because why would you make a lid if you never use it? Right?) Also, if you leave it up it looks kinda gross, c’mon guys you know what gets on that seat. I also like to sit on mine (with the lid down of course) to do my makeup, like a chair. Now here’s the thing, guys complain that they have to lift the seat. Well so do I, well sorta, I have to lift the lid. So you see? We both have to lift something, and in the end, the bathroom looks better. So quit your whining, after all, your “big macho men” right? What’s a little toilet seat going to hurt you?
*wink*
4. *drumroll* An HONEST explanation of why we take so long. Ready guys? Here it is. The REAL reason. Its not that we want to look good for you, although we do, but the real reason is that we have to look so amazing that no other girl will compare. So that not only are you blow away by our Cindy Crawford-esque fabulousness. But that so will every other…ready for it?....girl. Yep that’s right. I bet you thought I was going to say guy. Nope, its girl. Not a typo. We not only want to look better than every other girl in the room, we HAVE too. Dumb? Oh absolutely. We agree. That, however, doesn’t change a thing. You see, girls have the jealous, stab each other in the back, say you look fine when you look hideous - tendency that just never really goes away. And when you know every girl is spending three hours in the bathroom, you obviously have to spend at LEAST that long. So you see, it adds up. What you want to find is someone not threatened by other women that wants to look fabulous in a reasonable amount of time. The amount of time Noah took to land the ark is not an acceptable answer. Ladies, lets try to come to a truce here. At least limit it to an hour?
Got any other ideas for things that drive the opposite sexes crazy? Let me know! Leave me a comment!
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